Sunday 7 March 2010

This evening, I had some news. A precious friend is moving away. I've had news like this many times before.


When I was 11, my friend, Lyndsey, moved away. Her family moved away with her dad's job. He was to beceome the pastor of another church, in another town. When Lyndsey and her sister, Jo, left our church and our town, I grieved. I cried before they went, I cried as they went, I cried once they'd gone. I missed the little notes that Lyndsey passed in church. I missed her lovely giggle. I missed her hugs and I missed being around her.



When I was 12, my best friend at school, Ella, moved away. Her parents decided to relocate to the countryside. I deeply grieved. I remember standing in the school hall at break time on the day after she left. I stood alone and looked around, for the first time understanding the phrase, "being alone in a crowd". I missed Ella's house and her music. I missed the times when we made up songs, and went shopping for useless bits of tat. I missed us wearing matching stripey tights and Kicker boots. Before she went, I predicted, "I'll miss your little chicken legs." I missed her...so, so much.

When I was 17, my boyfriend, Azar, moved with his parents to another country. They owned a house in the mountains of Mallorca, and had planned to move their permenantly for some time. At the end of our A'Levels, with a few friends,I drove him to the airport, hugged and kissed him goodbye, cried and watched him walk through the gate. He left. I cried.

As I heard the news of my friend's plans this evening, I immediately hurt. I do not feel pain on my own behalf. I feel pain for one of her children, and for her best friend. I have been crying since. I can feel the pain that these two friends are feeling. I know how frightened they feel. Every now and then, I suddenly feel extremely sad, remembering that they will be separated.
You see, I sat with these girls as they cried together, over an incident of bullying. I have seen them have fun together and laugh until tears run down their faces. I have seen photos of their holidays tgether and I've heard some of their "funny stories". I have had breakfast withthese girls as they discuss their favourite food, which of course is the same. I have seen these girls' friendship and sheer devotion to each other.
My heart breaks for them. I understand the loss that they will feel. I remember the feelings of loss from my own experiences and, to be honest, it still seems to hurt. It hurts right now, as I write. I wish that these lovely girls would not have to suffer in this way. Compared to the suffering of the loss I wrote about in my last entry, this may seem trivial. But, it is not. I know that these girls will cry themselves to sleep tonight, as I did. I know that these girls will deeply mourn and that they will never forget the pain.

My intention, as I made clear to both girls this evening, is to remain close and not leave them. I am committed to showing love, kindness and support to them both. Because, it hurts. They will find new friends, and they will continue to move through all of the stages of friendship. Even in their old age, they will meet other women with whom they will share so much. But, for now...they are cherishing every moment of their time together, and every moment of the most precious friendship that they have ever known.

Thursday 4 March 2010

My Legacy

Today, I went to a funeral. When I say "I went" what I mean is, I sat outside in the foyer of the church building, looking after a friend's little girl, while my friend attended the aforementionned funeral. However, as I sat outside in the foyer, I had the great privilege of being able to hear the worship - some amazingly stirring and faithful hymns, like How Great Thou Art. I also heard the various shared memories from family and friends. I heard tears and laughter. I heard great stories, both funy and deeply moving. I heard about a life.

I didn't know Karena very well. She and I had attended the same church, at one point. Her family had been a part of the team that had planted a new church, and so just after I arrived, they left. She has prayed with me once. I had heard her speak from the stage quite a few times. She had what is called a Prophetic Gifting. She often "heard" or sensed what God wanted to say at a particular time and she would share it with the gathered church. She had her third baby, shortly before I had my first and so we chatted in creche a few times. I liked her. She seemed very wise and godly. She seemed very calm and together.

I learnt more about her today. Apparently, she was fun, impulsive and adventurous. She was disorganised and funny. She was passionate and loving. Today she was even described as "crazy". She loved her husband, she loved her kids, and she loved Jesus. She read the Bible a lot. She loved God's word. She loved speding time with other women. She loved a good cappuccino. She was creative.

Karena's brave, loving and faithful husband, Craig, spoke about her. He read an entry from her journal. It had been written three months before she had died. She had written a prayer as a part of the entry. She prayed for her children and for her marriage. She prayed that God would strengthen her and Craig. She prayed, most passionately, for her children, and their faith and relationships with God. She was desperate that despite her death and their suffering, her children would remain close to God, fully relying on Him for all their needs.

At the end of the service, people flooded out of the auditorium, many in tears. Craig and Karena's two young daughters emerged, surrounded with younger children who held their hands. The girls smiled and laughed as they spoke with expression and kindness to the little children holding their hands as they went off to explore the building. Craig and Karena's son smiled as two friends approached him, as if he was encouraging them that everything would be okay. I was amazed. I know that children tend to grieve differently to adults and that each person deals with bereavement in their own way. But as we read Craig's blog before Karena died, it was abundantly clear that these children were being parented in a unique way.

We read of video nights with duvets and popcorn, afternoons of board games and reading funny books, and an amazing time, when Karena prayed for, and prophesied over each one of her children, in turn.

As her children emerged from the auditorium, Karena's legacy was obvious. She has a legacy of godliness, gentleness, generosity, kindness, fun, adventure and solid, real faith in God. Undoubtedly, throughout their lives, her children will greatly miss and mourn her. Her loss will be felt strongly in so many places, families and churches. But, together her and Craig have done something outstanding in their children. They have raised them to know Jesus. They have shown them that death is not the end. They have given them hope - a sure and certain hope of being reunited with God and with their mum. What a Legacy. They will remember their mum reading her Bible, looking after other families, having fun with her friends, thanking God for the big and little things, and enjoying her life - every minute of it.

It makes me think...what will my legacy be? What will I leave behind? Who will I impact? What will I change for the better? Will people know The Truth because of me? Will people see good in me and be inspired by it? Will I live out God's plan for my life, without holding anything back?

I've decided to start now. So...here we go...My friends, as you read this blog, I want you remember one thing about me...here it is... I am passionate about showing YOU how much God loves you. He sent His Son to die for YOU. He did this, so that you would be able to LIVE your life to the full, feeling loved, accepted and alive. If you want to know that life, all you have to do, is ask God to change you, from the inside out, and ask Him to help you to learn more about His Son, Jesus. This is the beginning of an amazing journey, that I am on. It is exciting and challenging and adventurous. It is satisfying and fulfilling and strengthening. Please will you do this? Don't wait until I die - just do it right now, where you are sitting, reading this blog entry. I'd much rather share your New Life with you now, than miss out on it.

Today, a lovely friend made request for another blog entry - not sure that this is what you expected!!! But, I am tired of being too scared and worrying about offending people... We all need to be loved with that everlasting, all-encompassing love that only comes from God.