Can I have a word?....

Man, I hate it when people say that to me. It means that I'm in trouble, and that the aforementioned "word" will be a cross or critical one. I'm just not good with conflict. If I get the feeling that someone is cross with me, I feel very uncomfortable. If someone tells me that they are cross with me, I immediately assume that it is because I have done something wrong. Not for a second, do I consider that maybe their opinion is wrong!!

As a child, I was rarely in trouble at school. I remember that once I took a chip from someone's plate, in a the Junior School Hall at lunchtime. Jennifer Metcalfe was sitting next to me as I leant over to sample one of her chips. She was a bit annoyed and told me that she would tell the Headmaster. About 10 minutes later, Jennifer came out onto the playground with a grin on her face. "I've told Mr Harrington and he is really cross and wants to see you", she said. I immediately panicked and made my way to his office. I felt like I was going to cry as I lifted my fist to knock on his office door. "Come in", he said. I quietly told him that Jennifer Metcalfe had told me that he wanted to see me. I could feel a funny lump emerge in my throat as I held back tears of fear.
"I don't think so, Sally," he said. "Why would I need to see you?" Mr Harrington was a lovely kind and funny man. His face was friendly and he was very smartly dressed.
"Well, I took one of her chips at lunchtime and she told me that you were cross about it," I said. "I think she's having you on, Sally. I've not seen Jennifer today and I'd not be cross about that. Don't you worry." Just the words I needed to hear. A huge sense of relief overwhelmed me.

"Don't you worry." Those three words mean so much to me. I am a worrier. Especially when it comes to the feelings of others. I find great comfort in knowing that I am at peace with others. If another person seem upset with me, I need to know why. I need to know if I can fix it. I need to know exactly what I have done. If there is an opportunity to explain myself about any of my actions, I fully embrace it - to the point of absurdity!!!

This morning, I was challenged on a decision that I have recently made. My challenger gave her opinion of my choice and it was not a positive one. I felt very panicky and immediately tried to cover my tracks with a lie..."well, it all got a bit out of hand". This wasn't the truth. Nothing got out of hand, I made a decision. It was a carefully considered decision, too. I chose to do what I did, at risk of upsetting a friend, because I felt that it was the right thing to do. I had thought about it, cried about it, prayed about it and then made a decision. I do feel that my decision was right. But, that didn't stop me from backing down, hiding my determination with a weak pathetic lie, and feeling more concerned that my challenger didn't like me anymore.

And now, I feel cross with myself. I feel cross that I didn't stand up for myself. I feel cross that I would be so concerned with someone's opinion of me, that I would lie, and therefore do the wrong thing, in order to escape disapproval. I know that I'm not alone in trying to cover my tracks and keep on the "good side" of someone, but I wish that I were a little stronger.

In my role as Youth Leader, I have been required to defend my decisions, challenge the behaviour of both other leaders and young people, and reply graciously to unpleasant comments. I have found all of these things really difficult and, at times, I have wondered whether I'm cut out for this kind of responsibility.

The truth is, I'm not cut out for it. But, I am called to it. Just as I am called to make decisions and act upon them. So, I guess I'll just keep going, and try to keep my focus on the important thing - doing the right thing, and not the popular thing.

The youth of today

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4-6

I've had a great day today. At 10am, Dave, the kids and I arrived at my friend's house. She had very kindly loaned us her house for the day, with one specific purpose in mind....cleaning. Now, I'd like to make something very clear. I DO NOT LIKE CLEANING. This was not some kind of compulsive cleaning day for me. Dave does most of the housework here...and the work outside of the house!!! Today it was not me or Dave, however ,that was doing the cleaning.

Dave and I have the great privilege of over-seeing the youth group at our church. We are responsible for the programme for the 11-18 year olds. Every week, mainly on a Friday night, we spend time with the young people. They come from all walks of life - single-parent families, wealthy families, children of widows, children of doctors, children of parents fom overseas, children from the church, children from the local estate.

On a Friday night, we sometimes play games and eat doughnuts, and we sometimes worship and pray. Last week, we planned. We planned for today. You see, today needed a plan. My kind friend had released her house to the whole youth group today. We swept, we washed cars, we painted railings, we cleared and cleaned a swimming pool, we scrubbed toliets and bathrooms, ovens and fridges, we dug up weeds and cleaned windows, we sorted clothing and ironed, we put out flowers, we polished, we hoovered...and we ate gorgeous cookies baked by my friend, who generously baked them for us!!!! When I say "we" what I really mean is "they". With the help of a few wonderfully sacrificial leaders, our amazing young people worked their socks off to make my friend's house look, smell, and feel beautiful.

Most of the young people asked for another job at the completion of their previous. They had planned and carried out far more than their tasks. Some left gifts behind for my friend and her children, they brought cleaning equipment and products with them. One gorgeous young man brought flowers as did another lovely leader. Two girls carefully colour-coded a wardrobe full of clothes, whilst another young girl cleared and re-created an outdoor den area all by herself. One of our amazing leaders cleaned all of the windows and a young girl cleaned three bathrooms with her lovely boyfriend who left early to help his friend make a lasagne for a girl he likes!!!!! How sweet!!!

These young people are mostly around the age of 13. They are amazing. They are fun, social, interested in life, intelligent, considerate, hard-working and WILLING TO HELP. Many of them have been involved in this kind of activity before. However, some of them have never had the opportunity to serve other people. They have never been trusted to do something for someone else. Today, we gave them that opportunity. We trusted them. We showed them that they are important enought to serve someone else...they can make a real difference to someone else's life.

Tonight, I spoke to my friend and her children. They are all amazed and overwhelmed by the work of our young people. They HAVE made a difference. They can do it again...and so can other young people, if they are given the opportunity...if they are trusted.

As I go about my daily business, I see young people. I used to work with young people every day, as a secondary school teacher. Often they are not given the respect that they deserve. They are stereotyped as being troubled trouble-makers or grumpy mysterious creatures who cannot communicate. Parents can treat them as children and teachers can treat them as the enemy. This is so damaging, and prevents the development of self-esteem and healthy relationsnhips and mutual respect. However, even more damaging is the way in which many others give young people too much unearned respect - Parents who try to be friends with their teenagers, or try too hard to be accepted by their teenage children. Teenagers are in desperate want of many things, but are in need of few - loving strong parents, who will lead, listen and set an example of how to be a great person. Sometimes they NEED a "no", when they want a "yes".

But they also need a chance - a chance to prove that they can be trusted, that they can do things for themselves, that they can make a difference.

Next time you see a young person, will you smile at them? Will you consider their lives at home? Will you give them a chance? I do hope that you will. They could make all the difference one day...maybe they already are making a difference. Maybe they could teach YOU something.

Autumn Foraging

I just love Autumn. I love the colours and the sounds - rustly red leaves under my feet. Brown, dried leaves chasing each other across the playground, as I wait for the kids to come out of school. I love Harvest Festival Assemblies at school and pumkins sitting on the shelves in the green grocers.

Although we don't celebrate Halloween as a family, I really love the way pumkins look - bursting with Autumnal juiciness, ready to be carved and turned into a sweet, comforting pies...mmmmm.

On Friday, as we waiting for Indy and Roo to finish their school day, Seth and I collected chestnuts from the woods that surround the school building. He found some and brought them to me. I folded the bottom of my jumper upwards to make a pocket and we hid them there. When Indy came out, we showed the chestnuts to her, and she offered us the use of her bag.

This weekend has been a busy one, with a hectic Youth night on Friday, an early visit to see family in Enfield, preceded by a massive cleaning effort after an early rise. Sunday, we were at church, where I spent the morning with the 10-13 year olds and then we spent Sunday together. With the busyness of the weekend, it was only last night when I remembered our woodland harvest.

I roasted the chestnuts last night, left them to cool and then peeled them. Tonight I slightly candied them and then turned them into a sweet puree. Our house smells lovely. It smells like Regent Street used to, when I visited Father Christmas as a child. I never knew what the smell was...but I liked it. Now I know.

Soon, I'll tell you all about Christmas in the Roper house and how it was for me, as a child, but for now, I want to bask in the cosy, rusty glow of Autumn. I want to let my cheeks get chilly and rosy on a walk with my family. I want to collec more chestnuts and turn them into "Marron Glace". I want to start wearing tights and boots and put my flip flops away. I want to put my heating on in the evenings sweep the leaves off of my front doorstep. I want to look up recipes for cosy soups and stews.

Far too often, I look forward to what's coming next. For a while, I want to look at what's here right now and enjoy each moment. I want to enjoy my kids at the age they're at. I want to appreciate my house before we move. I want to love my husband and have fun being married to him at this particular time. I want to experience this season and all that finds its place here.

My treasures

We have just put our house on the market. I have really mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I really want to move - either to Crowthorne, where my kids are at school and nursery, or to Camberley, where my church is. We want to reduce driving time and costs and be nearer to friends. On the other hand, I LOVE this house and I will find it very hard to move unless we find somewhere really lovely to move to. Whilst preparing our house for viewings - we have our first on Saturday - I feel like I have fallen in love with our house all over again. I love its nooks and cranies and oddities. I love its creakiness.

To many, this may sound very odd, but my home is very important to me and our house and belongings are very much an expression of who I am, who Dave is and who our children are. This is the house where Seth returned to after being born. It is the house that we built (well, we extended it!!) It is the house that I have always wanted to live in, in terms of style. It is the first house that I have grown veggies in, made a wedding dress in, stripped floorboards in, had fireplaces in. It is a special house.

When we first bought our house, it had been on the market for a long time. I had often driven past, seen the "For Sale" sign and assumed that it was either out of our budget, or too small. Our old house had three bedrooms and we were looking for a bigger house. However, one day, Dave had a brainwave. "let's downsize, and extend!" he said. Suddenly, other houses were in our sights. On a whim, I phoned the estate agents and they told me more about the house - it was in our price range and had only two bedrooms. We booked a viewing and were immediately surprised by it. Although an elderly man had lived in the house for many years - in fact, his wife had bought the house in 1924 - it was in a good state and only needed a bit of decorating.

Within months (by July), we had moved into our Victorian semi-detached 1904 two-bedroomed house. Weeks later, builders began converting our loft into two bedrooms and a bathroom, and by Christmas, both Indy and Roo had their own bedrooms and we had a spare room!!!

We painted walls - well, mainly Dave painted - and laid carpets. We worked hard to create a cosy and traditional feel to the house, whilst still keeping it colourful. We hung pictures, photos and ornaments. Then we had Seth, and filled the spare room!!

Most of the door handles have fabric or wooden hearts hanging on them. Three human-sized pairs of fairy wings are hung around in the house. Crocheted blankets, knitted throws and soft cushions adorn the various soft chairs around our home. Our old floorboards have been stripped and scrubbed. We have baskets everywhere, containing all essential and non-essential items! On the window sills are photos of ourselves and our parents as children, our late grandparents and great-grandparents, our children, their friends, our wedding. Over our fireplace in the lounge, are photos of our children taken by our late friend, Ian, who was an amazing and gifted photographer. Here and there are photos and postcards of Swanage, our favourite place for family holidays.

At the top of our stairs, there is a dresser top that has been painted and hung on the wall. On it, are bits and bobs of historical and familial interest. I call it our "History Shelf". A copy of one of my favourite books as a child, "Milly Molly Mandy Stories" sits there, along with fossils and shells found in Swanage. A photo of my brother and I as children. Another of Dave's dad's parents' wedding day. A pair of Seth's baby shoes, a small teddy that belonged to my mum as a child, a clock made for me by a parent, when I was training to be a teacher, my Holly Hobby doll, a dried bunch of roses given to me by Dave after work one day, a teacup that once belonged to Dave's late nan.

In our bedroom is a wardrobe that came from my grandparents - their's since the
1950s. Also, we have a rocking chair that my mum sat in to feed me when I was a baby.
In our lounge, is an Ashford spinning wheel. I am learning to spin, and this wheel belonged to another spinner for 30 years. In the dining room, I have my mum's 1960s Singer Sewing Machine. I use it all the time. Dave's nan's sewing cabinet sits in a corner of the dining room, with one of her vases on top of it, as well as a photo of my mum and dad whilst on holiday as a young pre-children couple - how relaxed they look!!!

I know that when we go, although the house will not follow us, these "things" will come too - wherever we move to. But I often think of a verse in the Bible, which says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth...But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

My "treasures" are not these possessions, but these possessions, reflect my treasures - memories, family, favourite places, values I hold dear, creativity, satisfaction, wisdom.

I love to read the Prayer of Jabez as I walk down the stairs every morning;

"Oh LORD, that you would bless me indeed and
enlarge my territory. Let your hand keep me
from harm, so that I will be free from pain."


That prayer changed my life and the lives of many of my studens when I was a teacher. I prayed it every day and saw many children come to know Jesus. I am glad to see that verse, in its frame, given to me by my friends, Hana and Cat.

You see, sometimes, "things" are not material..they are a part of who we were, who we are, or who we're becoming. As I helped a friend to de-clutter her playroom yesterday, I felt her pain as she decided to give away her children's baby toys. They are more than just "things". They are a reminder of a time that has passed, and will not return. Her children are no longer babies and they no longer need to be rocked to sleep, or swaddled in a blanket. Loved-ones have been lost and will not see her children grow up to be teenagers and adults. Leaving these "things" behind, means moving on to a new life, whithout these loved-ones.

My friend, I want you to know that these "things" leaving you, does not mean that the treasures have gone. Those treasured memories will remain and new ones will be made. Life will never be the same, we all know that. But your treasures are waiting for you in heaven...