My new sister

About two weeks ago, whilst on holiday, I picked up my mobile phone to find that I had missed 11 calls from the same number - my brother, Benji's. I think I knew straight away why he was calling, but I made no comment to Dave or the kids. I just called Benji's number, and he immediately answered. I knew, again, by the sound of his voice, why he had called. So as he told me his news, I was not shocked.

You see, this news has been coming for a while. To be honest, I have known that this news would come for a couple of years now. I have prayed that it would. I have looked forward to it. It is probably the best news I've heard in ages.

Benji and his girlfriend, Heather had been sharing a cream tea on a sunny Sunday morning, by Exeter Cathedral, when Benji decided that he would ask the most important question of his life. When he asked Heather to marry him, she said "yes".

My future sister-in-law, Heather, is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She is tall and slim, with lovely light brown, wavy hair, and big pretty eyes. Heather is funny, smiley and happy. She is gentle and clever. She loves Jesus, and she loves my brother. She has a good relationship with her parents and three siblings, and everyone that meets her is thoroughly impressed by her. She is a head-turner and a heart-warmer, and I love her so very much.

I remember when Benji first met Heather. He and Dave had been to the casting auditions of a church theatre production. They returned "full-of-beans", waxing lyrical about this beautiful girl who might be playing the role of Mary, in a modern-day version of the Christmas Story. They spoke about how pretty she was, and how friendly she seemed. Benji was clearly very impressed, and in the few weeks that followed, I teased and hassled him about when he was going to ask her out!!

I remember that a couple of months later, for Indy's fancy dress birthday party, Heather turned up, dressed as a mermaid. Not only did she look completely lovely, but she clearly was ready for a great time, dressed in bluey-greeny clothes, sparkly make-up and massive flippers!!! I remember thinking how brilliant she was, and how she clearly was not at all interested in impressing anyone, but only in having loads of fun.

Time has passed, and I have seen Benji and Heather grow together, and fall in love. To see my little brother in such a fantastically strong, God-centred and fun-filled relationship has filled me with joy and peace.

Last year, I had the great privilege of spending time with Heather at a Christian women's conference, Cherish. She supported me, cried with me and laughed with me. She encouraged me as I faced some struggles, and made me love her even more.

There's something else that I admire in Heather. She is an adventurer...and independent adventurer. She travels to Finland, all alone, to study for five months. She seeks God independently, and she stands out from the crowd, being herself without fear. All of this she does, with gentleness and humility. I love that.

I have just been looking for a knitting pattern for a delicate wedding shawl for Heather. I don't expect her to wear it, but I really want to make it for her, because I love her. My children love her, my husband loves her, my parents love her and my brother loves her. We love her because she adds something special to our family. She brings humour, creativity, godliness and and peace. And, she completes my brother.

Of all of the women that could have been in my brother's life, Heather is the best. She is more than I could have asked for, for my lovely, precious brother.

I hope that she reads this.

Heather, my treasured new sister. I love you so very much. I look forward to sharing more of our lives with each other. I often boast about my future sister-in-law, and my precious friend. I am so blessed to know you. Please lean on me when you need to. Thank you for saying "yes" to my brother. You really are lovely. You are an answer to prayer. xxx

Productivity and Fruitfulness

Today, so far, has been a fairly productive day. Productivity has not been a word that has been relevant to me for such a long time, but things are changing.

Today, between school and nursery drop-offs, I had coffee with a really precious friend. After we'd exchanged the usual pleasantries and sat ourselves down, I asked one of those "scary" questions. These questions generally relate to something real. I've never been one for shallow conversation (which I'm sure irritates and troubles some people - I must appear very nosey) but I find asking these questions often releases the most amazing friendships. The following questions come under the "scary question" category...

"How are you?....no, really, how are you?"
"So, what do you really want to do with your life?"
"How's your marriage?"
"Can I pray for you?"
"Have I upset you?"
"Are you ok, finacially?"
"How is your relationship with your boyfriend?" (this is VERY scary when posed to one of our gorgeous young people at church!!)

There are so many more, and, as much as I get scared asking them, I love the effects that these questions have.

I asked my friend a scary question. She answered me truthfully. We talked, we laughed, she cried. While we talked, we picked fruit from trees in her garden. She gave the fruit to me, and I brought it home and turned it into jam. This afternoon, I'll drop her pot of jam over to her.

I love making jam - strawberry, gooseberry, plum, raspberry, blackberry, elderberry...it's all good. It also really simple -

Basic Jam Recipe

1 kilo of fruit
1 kilo of granulated sugar
the juice of 1 lemon

1.Put everyhing in a pan, gently heat until the sugar dissolves, bring to the boil.
2.Using a plate that has been sitting in the freezer for a while, blob a drop of jam onto the plate, let it cool, then push your finger through it. If it wrinkles, it's ready. If not, re-boil for another 5 minutes and test again.
3.Pour the jam into sterilised warm jars, lid on, leave to cool.

Three pots of Cherry Jam later....

Today has not been hugely busy. I did a bit of washing-up (no...we do not have a dishwasher!!)made some jam and chatted with a friend. I'm hoping to go gooseberry picking with the kids after school. It may not have been busy, but it has been productive, fruitful...and full of fruit!!!

It is such a privilege to be used by God to stand alongside a friend in need. As my peers suffer, I want to be instrumental in their healing. I want to encourage them as they move closer to living the abundant life that Jesus offers.

Washing the dishes is HUGE for me. After about 9 years of depression, I am feeling very diffierent. I am able to wash, clean, hanging clothes out, put my kids to bed and enjoy my own company withou feeling guilty. God has, and is still, healing me. What an amazing God!!

And so...today I have been thoroughly productive and fruitful, and I feel very satisfied.

I'll be honest...I'm really not sure what to write about for this post. A few things are going around in my head that I do need to get out, to process, but I'm not sure that this is the place to do it. If it is the place to do it, then I'm not quite sure how to word it.

I have always been hugely frustrated by those who "speak their mind" with little regard for the ways in which it may affect others.

I am a huge (and unashamed) Big Brother fan. I love it's reality and I'm rather nosey, so being able to watch the interaction between other people, without feeling like I'm spying, is rather lovely. Obviously, Big Brother tends to feature rather dramatic characters and sometimes some "unsavoury behaviour." But I am not afraid of life in all its shades of black, white and grey. I enjoy eviction nights and the interviews with Davina, but I am hugely irritated by those people who, upon being asked if they have any regrets, reply, "D'ya know what, Davina? I was just being myself and speaking my mind."

When I hear these words being uttered, I want to shout, "Well, good for you!!! How clever you are for allowing all of your own characteristics to shine through (even if some of them are pretty rubbish.)? What a hero...." (note the sarcasm?!?!)

You see, we can all "speak as we find." We are all able to verbalise our opinions and feelings concerning others. It is very easy to make statements, whether helpful and uplifting or not, about the lives and habits of others. But, do we need to? Do we have the right? Should we not just shut up and mind our own business?

As a Christian, I am called (according to the Bible, which I believe to be the Word Of God), to "speak the truth in love". It can be difficult to speak the truth, if the truth may cost you your friendship with someone. If we are speaking the truth to another, it may hurt their feelings or cause them great distress. But it may help them to receive a bit of "tough love" by hearing about ways to improve an area of their lives. So, you see, being honest and real is very important. Many people use this verse from the Bible to justify some pretty harsh and rather sharp criticism. But it is the word "love" that needs to rule. It is from a loving heart that such "truth" should come. So, when we feel a need to "speak into each other's lives", let's do it with love in our hearts.

I have been vigorously shaken in my role as a Mum. I have seriously questioned my motivations in the ways I speak to, listen to, and spend time with my children. I have doubted myself beyond any other previous doubts. I have wondered if I deserve my husband, if I take him for granted and if our marriage is lacking in balance. I have worried, cried, lost sleep, and despaired. I have prayed, read my Bible and shared with close friends.

And I have come to a conclusion. The enemy wants me to fail. He wants me to suffer, and to give up on my children, my family and my marriage. I will not. I shall not be overcome by anxiety. I will not receive the enemy's interference. I will trust in the Truth of the Word of God. He has appointed and annointed me, according to His Will. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will hide me under His wings. I will trust the truths spoken to me, in love, and I will stand against lies in the name of Jesus.

Yep, that's it...said and done...that is what I wanted to say. It has been processed, and I am free. Sometimes, blogging is so much more than a few comments on life.

The Indy Cooking Show

Thought you'd all like to see the film that my little brother, Benji, made of Indy, my daughter, cooking Gluten Free Chocolate Cupcakes. We didn't get round to filming the "Icing Stage", but we usually make a green-coloured, minty-flavoured butter cream to go on the top. My sons call these cakes "Hulk Cakes". Indy's not so keen on that, as she's far too girly!!!! Maybe I'm biased, but I think she's so cute!!! AND, I love the reality of my kids' relationships with each other, as it is featured towards the end!!!

Rubies

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31 verses 10-12

Sometimes it feels like God is really trying to get through to me. When something is mentioned a few times, my ears begin to prick up, like our cats, and I start to pay attention. This week, there is something that keeps coming up....Rubies.

This week, I had the amazing privilege of meeting up with an amazing young woman. As a teacher, she was a regular attender at the Christian Union meetings that I ran. She was always smiling, always friendly. She was very bright, and clearly very thoughtful and sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Recently, via Facebook, we have been reunited, which has been good, but to meet for coffee this week was just great. We had a good chat and generally caught up. She is now a very successful musician. She is also extremely beautiful, both inside and out. She has continued in her relationship with God and has come to know Him more. She has questioned her faith, lived her life and made great decisions for Jesus. To be honest, I felt so blessed to have been a part of her life as a teenager, and just delighted to know her now.

One of the things that I love about being a Christian is having "intentional" friendships. As a Christian woman, God has called me to many things, one of them is to be a big sister. I'm not talking about the biological type (although being just that to my little brother, Ben, is one of the greatest joys in my life.) In the Bible, in the book of Titus, older women are encouraged to "train" younger women. Surely this is what being a big sister is all about?

My lovely friend and I, had a big sister/little sister chat, whilst enjoying our cuppas. We talked about guys, and about relationships. We talked about marriage, and we talked about love. We discussed what the ideal wife should be like. We talked about the chapter from which the above verses came from. In Proverbs 31 of the Bible, we can read about "The Wife of Noble Character". It is clear that she is more than just a good woman. She is more than a "Yummy Mummy". She is clever and careful, a great business woman. She provides for her children and husband very well. She is a hard worker, and she shows kindness and compassion to those in need.

My friend and I talked about how it seems to be all about what the wife does, but I began to notice the verses about how the wife was treated, viewed and praised by her husband. It was then that I realised that this woman is able to serve so very well, thanks to the praise, encouragement and strengthening of her husband. You see, she would not be able to see her own potential or to live it out, without being treated so well. Her husband reminds her that she is precious to him. He praises her...publicly. He boasts about her to his peers. He is proud to be with her. He releases her to run her own business. He enables her to be productive and to serve outside of the house.

Because of the actions and words of her husband, she is "worth far more than rubies". Because he loves her so well, she makes a massive difference to her children, her friends, her employees, her community. She is not just important to him. To the world, she is "worth far more than rubies".

Rubies are quite interesting. There are two kinds of rubies - natural and cultured. Cultured rubies are made by human hands. They are the result of a chemical process - a beautiful one, but a chemical process none-the-less. Natural rubies occur naturally, and they are extremely rare. In fact, natural rubies are so rare that they are worth far more than diamonds.

Rubies are striking in colour. When I make Raspberry Jam, it's that "Ruby Red" colour that I wait for to know that the jam has reached it's boiling point. Only then can I pour my "Ruby Red" Raspberry Jam into warm, sterilised pots, wait for it to cool and smother all over a piece of crusty white bread....mmmmmm.

Rubies are beautiful, rare and striking. I love rubies.

This week, my mum and dad celebrate their Ruby Wedding Anniversary. They have been married for 40 years. Their marriage has lasted - a rare thing in this "day and age". They have produced two children, and have served God, and their church, together for years. They have many friends, and have survived recessions, unemployment, sickness, grief and great trials. I think that this is beautiful. Their commitment to each other is striking. Other people notice it and are inspired and encouraged, that they can make it in their marriages, too.

So, what is God saying to me? If rubies are rare, beautiful and striking, and I am worth far more than them...am I rare, beautiful and striking? If I follow in my parents footsteps, will my life reflect the beauty of a ruby? If I serve, bless and enjoy...will other people see me as striking? Will I stand out and shine?

I'm not sure...but I am so grateful for a God who creates such beautiful gems...and then tells me that, to Him, I am worth far more. Thank You, Lord.

The "New"

I'm feeling a bit odd at the moment. I'm feeling a bit on edge...a bit impatient...a bit...well, fidgetty. After making a decision to close one door, I know that another will open.....but what will it be?

You see, I LOVE new adventures. Since the age of 16 my life has been pretty unpredictable and constantly changing. A'Levels, a new school, new relationships, Uni, leaving home, different creative projects, teacher training, a new home town, a new job, a new and unexpected baby, a new husband, a new house, another new baby, another new house, pet rabbits, another new baby, two rabbit funerals, a new kitten, her new kittens, a new church, another new rabbit, a new set of friends, a new business, a TV appearance, another lost rabbit, more kittens, a new cat, new hobbies, new friends, new nurseries and schools......bit mad really, but I thrive on change. I love new stuff. I enjoy new possessions and new places to visit. I find making new friends fun and easy. New is good. New is exciting. New is satisfying. New makes me happy.

So.....here we are...me and Dave, three kids, busy home, car journeys, church activites, vet bills, gas bills, water bills, electricity bills, parents evenings, gardening, cleaning, trips to the rubbish tip, shopping for food, family occasions, meetings, car servicing, car taxing...bla bla bla.

"Me and Dave" is good. We try to spend special time together, including date nights and weekends away. We try to keep things new and exciting in all sorts of ways....hee hee hee. I can tell him (and he is helpful) when I'm feeling "the need for new"!!!

With our kids, I try to keep things pretty fast-moving and fun, as well as times of calm and peace. Random trips to the seaside, silly dinners, theme nights and special time together.

But as for the rest, I just have to get on with the mundane bits of life. I REALLY do not enjoy them. In fact, I avoid them, running for the hills, screaming, "Leave me alone!!" Mundane is boring. Mundane is mind-numbing. Mundane makes me want to shout, hit and scream. Mundane drives me mad. It's so...so... mundane!!

My poor, darling husband has to deal with my constantly itchy feet. "Let's get chickens!! Let's move far away!! Let's go out!! We should decorate that room!! We should buy a B&B!! What about setting up our own business?!" There have been a few times that Dave's come home to find various jobs around the house and garden that I've started - steaming off wall paper, painting furniture, moving shelves around, digging up various plants. He's very patient with me. He often finishes off the jobs that I start, and get bored of. He is kind and loving, and he gently reminds me of reality every now and then.

And you see, that's another problem with loving "new". I get bored very easily and very quickly. I have felt, for a long time, that this is a failure on my part and that, somehow, I would need to correct this fault in my character. Until a conversation with a lovely lady from our previous church, I had felt that that problem was my not finishing things. This wonderful lady explained to me that my starting things was what was important, and that God had given me this passion, boldness and ability in starting new adventures, for His purposes.

So, I have begun to really enjoy starting things. I have come to terms with the fact that I love "new", and that my passion, inspiration and boldness enable others to continue with great things that I start.

So, as one door closes, I am praying for another to continue what I started. I am praying for the humility to pass my adventure onto another, who will take it to greater heights. I am praying, also, for my new adventure...what will it be? I am praying for the patience to wait until my new adventure begins. But, most of all, I am praying that I will find the "new" in the mundane, in the everyday, and that I will enjoy the adventures that already sit at my feet.

This evening, I had some news. A precious friend is moving away. I've had news like this many times before.

When I was 11, my friend, Lyndsey, moved away. Her family moved away with her dad's job. He was to beceome the pastor of another church, in another town. When Lyndsey and her sister, Jo, left our church and our town, I grieved. I cried before they went, I cried as they went, I cried once they'd gone. I missed the little notes that Lyndsey passed in church. I missed her lovely giggle. I missed her hugs and I missed being around her.

When I was 12, my best friend at school, Ella, moved away. Her parents decided to relocate to the countryside. I deeply grieved. I remember standing in the school hall at break time on the day after she left. I stood alone and looked around, for the first time understanding the phrase, "being alone in a crowd". I missed Ella's house and her music. I missed the times when we made up songs, and went shopping for useless bits of tat. I missed us wearing matching stripey tights and Kicker boots. Before she went, I predicted, "I'll miss your little chicken legs." I missed her...so, so much.

When I was 17, my boyfriend, Azar, moved with his parents to another country. They owned a house in the mountains of Mallorca, and had planned to move their permenantly for some time. At the end of our A'Levels, with a few friends,I drove him to the airport, hugged and kissed him goodbye, cried and watched him walk through the gate. He left. I cried.

As I heard the news of my friend's plans this evening, I immediately hurt. I do not feel pain on my own behalf. I feel pain for one of her children, and for her best friend. I have been crying since. I can feel the pain that these two friends are feeling. I know how frightened they feel. Every now and then, I suddenly feel extremely sad, remembering that they will be separated.

You see, I sat with these girls as they cried together, over an incident of bullying. I have seen them have fun together and laugh until tears run down their faces. I have seen photos of their holidays tgether and I've heard some of their "funny stories". I have had breakfast withthese girls as they discuss their favourite food, which of course is the same. I have seen these girls' friendship and sheer devotion to each other.

My heart breaks for them. I understand the loss that they will feel. I remember the feelings of loss from my own experiences and, to be honest, it still seems to hurt. It hurts right now, as I write. I wish that these lovely girls would not have to suffer in this way. Compared to the suffering of the loss I wrote about in my last entry, this may seem trivial. But, it is not. I know that these girls will cry themselves to sleep tonight, as I did. I know that these girls will deeply mourn and that they will never forget the pain.

My intention, as I made clear to both girls this evening, is to remain close and not leave them. I am committed to showing love, kindness and support to them both. Because, it hurts. They will find new friends, and they will continue to move through all of the stages of friendship. Even in their old age, they will meet other women with whom they will share so much. But, for now...they are cherishing every moment of their time together, and every moment of the most precious friendship that they have ever known.