Monday 21 January 2013

Jumbleberry Crumble

Recently, as I often do, I was watching Food UK (a TV channel devoted to cooking, baking and restaurant-related programmes.) I was enjoying an episode of one of the Nigella Lawson series, either Nigella Kitchen or Nigella Express. She was demonstrating a jam recipe called Jumbleberry Jam. I was taken with the name. There are certain words that I really love. These words make me smile and look out of my window into the garden, smiling about all that is good in life. They are cosy words. Words like "snuggle", "cobbler", "squishy", "rosey", "sandwich" and "jumble".  The word "Jumble" seems innocent and old-fashioned. It reminds me of my Nanny Pocock (my dad's mum) who was rather partial to Jumble Sales. It also reminds me of a book that I loved to read as a child. Topsy and and Tim books were among my favourites. One story saw Topsy and Tim visit the library. Whilst their mummy looked for her book, Topsy and Tim looked around. In the children's section, they noticed that all of the books looked "jumbled up". So they decided to tidy them up. All of the big books together, and all of the little books together. Ah yes, that looked much better, not at all jumbled up anymore. That was what they thought, until their mummy came over, and explained that, in fact, they had not been jumbled up at all. They were in a special order, called "Alphabetical Order", and that because Topsy and Tim had moved the books, they were now far more jumbled up than before!

Jumble. It's a lovely word. Jumble. When I was little there were times when I felt a bit jumbled. Maybe I was worried or tired. But I couldn't quite explain my feelings by any other way than describing them as "jumbled."

I'm feeling rather jumbled this evening too. My blog is not something I write often enough to be a hobby, but I do feel obliged every now and then to write something. The problem I have is that I can only write when I have something to say. Sometimes I have nothing to say, and then sometimes I have too much to say. Tonight I have a fair bit to say, but I wonder if anyone is really that interested, because, very little of it is that interesting. So...I'll go to my "go to" for when I'm feeling a bit jumbled. The trusty old list....

Things That I am Considering/Experiencing At The Moment

1. Loaf Cakes....I am making a lot of them. Sticky Ginger Cake, Golden Syrup Cake, Lemon Drizzle Cake, Banana Loaf. A cake in a loaf shape satisfies me intensely. I feel like an amazing 1950s domestic goddess who is enjoying a life of rationing and traditional British living...don't know why...I just do.

2. Teeth...My littlest lost his first tooth, and therefore received his first teeny letter and 20p piece from the Tooth Fairy. Seth's is called Felix Featherleaf. Indy's is called Florence Fern. Roo's is called Fernando Foxglove. They all receive letters and shiny pennies or 20p pieces every time they lose a tooth. Indy has today had a mini brace called a spacer fitted at the dentist. She will eventually need a massive load of orthodontic treatment, as will Roo, who recently lost another molar which was pretty messy...eeeeew.

3. Crochet. I have a beautiful and extremely brave friend, Emma, who excellently parents two lovely little boys, en seule. ( I have to say somethings in French when I talk about Emma. Along with another friend, who is also called Emma, we often speak French to each other as we are very posh, intelligent and European.) ANYWAY...Emma showed me a photo of a rather smashing crochet blanket, which I have developed an obsession for. I have, therefore, been crocheting, and even dreaming in crochet, in an attempt to work out exactly how to make it. I love crocheting, but it makes my forefinger ache...so....yeah.

4. (Almost) Teenage Nightmares. I've got one. He is one. Nothing more to share, other than that I have worked with teenagers for about 15 years now, both as a teacher and a youth leader. I have always found teenagers to be so much fun, so interesting and so lovely. I think mainly because they have always thought me pretty cool, funny and worthy of their time. My own (almost) teenager, however, thinks I am the biggest loser there is. So that's fun.

5. Money. Or lack thereof. We got to Day 3 of January (January 3rd, nonetheless) and discovered that there were no funds available. We got cross, scared and cried a bit. Then two kind and generous friends handed us cheques; one for £30 and one for £1000. And that, my friends, is what God does. We act irresponsibly, we blame God for it, and he bails us out. Grace - an undeserved gift of love. He is Grace.

6. Snow. I know it irritates many. I like it. I don't mind driving in it. I quite like playing in it. I LOVE staying home from work or school because of it. I also love to look at it, over a steaming cup of tea, from my sofa, with the fire on and my feet in slippers. I do not like the challenge it presents to homeless people, the emergency services, elderly folks and my best friend organising her son's 10th Birthday party (poor Josh...) So, it snowed, then it stopped, then it snowed again. It would be so fun and greatly appreciated if Christmas Eve 2013 would be the next snowy day, please God. Fanks.

7. Weight Watchers. I 've lost 14 lbs - a whole stone. But I am struggling with saying "no" to cake at the moment...Please pray for me, dear friends. This could be my year, but I need a kick up the bum to keep going!!! I do have a secret weapon...but more of that as I progress....

Crumble

Okay, so I have crumbled slightly over the last few weeks. I have cried, shouted, and I even broke an old dining room chair leg....I have felt sad, cross, worried, frustrated and hopeless. I guess that's depression for you. But I also guess that it could be described as being overwhelmed. Life is full...of blessings and complications. I have much to be grateful for. But being a creative mind, means that my thinking is often jumbled and my brain is full. I want to make, to walk, to run away, to stay and cuddle, to shop, to write, to drink coffee, to bake, to draw, to organise, to sew, to clean, to stop.

When this much stuff is a possibility, I am at great risk of crumbling. This post is pretty jumbled, and I'm sure that I've shown my hand in terms of where I am at the moment. I'm okay. I'm pretty happy. I do feel a bit jumbled...but the jumble can be beautiful. And, as Topsy and Tim discovered, sometimes jumbled is the way it's supposed to be.