Man, yesterday was just one of those days! I had a shocker. The second official day of the Summer Holidays, all three kids at home, burning hot sun, virtually no breeze, Dave at work, tired, hungry, fed up and frustrated. I yelled, and screamed at my kids on numerous occasions. I sent them to their bedrooms, for at least five lifetimes each, cried, listened to their apologies, offered mine, received their forgiveness, felt guilty and cried a bit more. The house was continually messy whilst I tried to continually tidy, the kids had totally different agendas from each other, one wanting to make a film, one wanting to play football, one wanting to build a camp in the garden - all wanting to do carry out their plans in the same garden...
I had decided to rest (with three kids, a virtual impossibility) and wanted some peaceful, quiet space in the cool living room, watching trashy TV or reading my new Summer holiday book ("Time of My Life by Cecelia Ahern...I LOVE her magical, funny and moving stories) but the kids continued to fight each other, break stuff, repeatedly ask for sugar-based snacks.
My eldest has just left Primary school, will be starting secondary school in September,and is therefore almost a teenager. Along with being a teenager, comes the "I'd-rather-have-a-bath-in-acid- with-Ann-Widecombe-than-spend-time-with-any-of-you" attitude, as well as an instinctive and healthy longing for independence. So, I'm on a massive learning curve of letting him go, giving him space, but at the same time teaching him the responsibility of family life and the importance of quality time together....needless to say, he and I are pretty much at war at the moment. And it's not a Cold War, it's a Burning Hot, Raging and Explosive War. Lots of fun. Oh yeah. Awesome. No, really.
So, last night, with a pretty tough day behind us, after my children were all nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of unlimited ice cream in their heads, my poor, long-suffering husband Dave got the brunt of my day, in the form of a massive crying meltdown. I cried. I told him all of the things that I didn't like about myself. I sniffed a lot. I told him of all my terrible thoughts from the day. I told him that I felt frustrated, that I wanted to run away and to lie on a beach with a book and ignore everyone. I told him how I had eaten too much food - most of it fattening - and how I hated myself for losing control again, with my eating and with my use of expletives in front of our kids. I told him that I wouldn't blame him for choosing any other woman over me and how I felt that the kids would be damaged by my incompetence as a mum. I told him how I felt lonely and friendless, and how I felt as if others rolled their eyes at me, and my constant verbal/literal outbursts. I was having a Proper Pity Party, and no mistake!
"And what", I hear you ask, "did Dave say or do in response?" Well, as Dave would say, "That is a very good question." Dave listened. Dave acknowledged my feelings as valid. Dave explain that despite my feelings being valid, that they were feelings and not facts. Dave reassured me of his love for me, and his attraction to me, despite the amount of food that I had eaten. He told me that there was only one woman for him and only one mum for our children...and that was me. Dave reminded me of wonderful friendships that I have with wonderful people, and of the encouraging words I have received from so many friends. Dave also firmly told me that I need to stop being so hard on myself, that I need to rest and that he expected me to sleep as much as possible on our upcoming holiday in Dorset. Dave also was extremely firm in rebuking my feelings of guilt towards him or my children. He told me that he was proud of me and that his love for me would not change. Dave then sent me to bed. He prayed for me this morning, and today (so far!) has been so much better.
This morning, as I recalled the conversation that Dave and I had last night, I found myself thanking God for this amazing man that is mine. He really is all I have dreamt of. He fulfils each point on a list that I wrote, describing my perfect husband to God. He is strong, kind, funny, generous and intelligent. He is handsome and humble and a hard-worker. He pursued me, at risk of looking silly. He is patient and understanding. He is friendly and easy to spend time with. Wow! A Fantasy Man!
Recently, with the release of "50 Shades of Grey", The Fantasy Man has hit the headlines. Mr Christian Grey seems to be featuring pretty regularly in the lives and imaginations of many women, if recent Facebook status updates are anything to go by! I've not read the book, so I am a little ill-informed about the character of Christian Grey, and to be honest, I'm not really that interested. But, I have been thinking a lot about the kind of man that a woman looks for. We all have different tastes, and as we live our lives, our tastes definitely change. But I have noticed something. Many of the women that I speak to are longing for a kind, honest, considerate, understanding, helpful , hard-working and strong man. They are searching for him. They are waiting for him. Many have not met him. Many have met someone who they hope will turn into him!
I'm not sure how this ideal, perfect man can be found, but I do know that many of us settle for second best, or less. I don't have any advice or any pearls of wisdom as to how to find this man, or how to change your current man into The Fantasy Man. I guess, I just felt a need to write this post, just in case anyone reading this needed reminding...You are precious...and you deserve the best. Choose well. Choose a kind, strong man, who loves you as you are, and challenges you to be the best. Choose a man who puts you first, before himself and sets you free to be happy, enjoy yourself and live life abundantly. Choose a man who is glad to say sorry when he is wrong and will do everything he can to make positive changes. A man who points out all of your faults, criticises your choices and withholds affection will bring you down and make you weak. A man who cuddles you, laughs at your jokes, and boasts to his friends about your beauty, intelligence and strengths will make you strong. For goodness sake, aim high and you'll end up living The Fantasy Life with the Fantasy Man.
I had decided to rest (with three kids, a virtual impossibility) and wanted some peaceful, quiet space in the cool living room, watching trashy TV or reading my new Summer holiday book ("Time of My Life by Cecelia Ahern...I LOVE her magical, funny and moving stories) but the kids continued to fight each other, break stuff, repeatedly ask for sugar-based snacks.
My eldest has just left Primary school, will be starting secondary school in September,and is therefore almost a teenager. Along with being a teenager, comes the "I'd-rather-have-a-bath-in-acid- with-Ann-Widecombe-than-spend-time-with-any-of-you" attitude, as well as an instinctive and healthy longing for independence. So, I'm on a massive learning curve of letting him go, giving him space, but at the same time teaching him the responsibility of family life and the importance of quality time together....needless to say, he and I are pretty much at war at the moment. And it's not a Cold War, it's a Burning Hot, Raging and Explosive War. Lots of fun. Oh yeah. Awesome. No, really.
So, last night, with a pretty tough day behind us, after my children were all nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of unlimited ice cream in their heads, my poor, long-suffering husband Dave got the brunt of my day, in the form of a massive crying meltdown. I cried. I told him all of the things that I didn't like about myself. I sniffed a lot. I told him of all my terrible thoughts from the day. I told him that I felt frustrated, that I wanted to run away and to lie on a beach with a book and ignore everyone. I told him how I had eaten too much food - most of it fattening - and how I hated myself for losing control again, with my eating and with my use of expletives in front of our kids. I told him that I wouldn't blame him for choosing any other woman over me and how I felt that the kids would be damaged by my incompetence as a mum. I told him how I felt lonely and friendless, and how I felt as if others rolled their eyes at me, and my constant verbal/literal outbursts. I was having a Proper Pity Party, and no mistake!
"And what", I hear you ask, "did Dave say or do in response?" Well, as Dave would say, "That is a very good question." Dave listened. Dave acknowledged my feelings as valid. Dave explain that despite my feelings being valid, that they were feelings and not facts. Dave reassured me of his love for me, and his attraction to me, despite the amount of food that I had eaten. He told me that there was only one woman for him and only one mum for our children...and that was me. Dave reminded me of wonderful friendships that I have with wonderful people, and of the encouraging words I have received from so many friends. Dave also firmly told me that I need to stop being so hard on myself, that I need to rest and that he expected me to sleep as much as possible on our upcoming holiday in Dorset. Dave also was extremely firm in rebuking my feelings of guilt towards him or my children. He told me that he was proud of me and that his love for me would not change. Dave then sent me to bed. He prayed for me this morning, and today (so far!) has been so much better.
This morning, as I recalled the conversation that Dave and I had last night, I found myself thanking God for this amazing man that is mine. He really is all I have dreamt of. He fulfils each point on a list that I wrote, describing my perfect husband to God. He is strong, kind, funny, generous and intelligent. He is handsome and humble and a hard-worker. He pursued me, at risk of looking silly. He is patient and understanding. He is friendly and easy to spend time with. Wow! A Fantasy Man!
Recently, with the release of "50 Shades of Grey", The Fantasy Man has hit the headlines. Mr Christian Grey seems to be featuring pretty regularly in the lives and imaginations of many women, if recent Facebook status updates are anything to go by! I've not read the book, so I am a little ill-informed about the character of Christian Grey, and to be honest, I'm not really that interested. But, I have been thinking a lot about the kind of man that a woman looks for. We all have different tastes, and as we live our lives, our tastes definitely change. But I have noticed something. Many of the women that I speak to are longing for a kind, honest, considerate, understanding, helpful , hard-working and strong man. They are searching for him. They are waiting for him. Many have not met him. Many have met someone who they hope will turn into him!
I'm not sure how this ideal, perfect man can be found, but I do know that many of us settle for second best, or less. I don't have any advice or any pearls of wisdom as to how to find this man, or how to change your current man into The Fantasy Man. I guess, I just felt a need to write this post, just in case anyone reading this needed reminding...You are precious...and you deserve the best. Choose well. Choose a kind, strong man, who loves you as you are, and challenges you to be the best. Choose a man who puts you first, before himself and sets you free to be happy, enjoy yourself and live life abundantly. Choose a man who is glad to say sorry when he is wrong and will do everything he can to make positive changes. A man who points out all of your faults, criticises your choices and withholds affection will bring you down and make you weak. A man who cuddles you, laughs at your jokes, and boasts to his friends about your beauty, intelligence and strengths will make you strong. For goodness sake, aim high and you'll end up living The Fantasy Life with the Fantasy Man.
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